oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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