I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
