New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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