I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
