Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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