its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
