It was confusing and full of hummus
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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