saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Boobs are out for the taking
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
