The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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