Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
