I wish my penis had an off switch
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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