I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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