why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
