I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
