Your face is a jimmy john
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
