my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
