If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
