R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
