walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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