How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
