I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
