Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
