After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize