You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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