I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
