he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
