Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
