I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
