You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize