So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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