i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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