forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
These tits shall not be calmed
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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