Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
