Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
