She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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