hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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