The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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