his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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