not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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