i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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