you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize
