My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
