From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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