Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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