I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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