someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
