I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
