Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
