Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
