my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
