I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
