I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
