I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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