Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
