did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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