Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
