Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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