you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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