Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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