Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My vagina is officially offended.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
