My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
