Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
