Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
