even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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