I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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