There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
