sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
