im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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