Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
