I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
