I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
