Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
