Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
