You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
