I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
