I CAN MOONWALK!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
