Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
